An ACT of Rebellion
If you've ever sat down for a mindfulness practice and found your mind piping up with a little voice that complains this is taking FOR-EVER, or I could be doing something else right now, or I SHOULD be doing something else right now, or what am I even supposed to be doing?!..... then you're not alone.
It's normal. Completely, ordinarily, predictably normal. It happens to people who have practised for a decade. It happens to the world's most experienced meditation teachers. It happens to pretty much everyone. The restless (or relentless) voice isn't a sign you're doing it wrong, and it isn't a sign that mindfulness practices won't work for you. It's just a sign that you've been raised in a world where you've been conditioned to believe that productivity is king, and stillness is wasted time. Or worse, it's laziness. (Thanks for that, capitalism!)
So, let me offer you a choice. You can live your life at society's pace. Point A to point B, list to list, always slightly behind. That's a real option and plenty of people take it.
Or you can live in the moment, for just a moment, and refuse to submit to the demands of the world (and that little nagging voice). You can decide to take the time to be with yourself, fully, making room for whatever comes up and meeting it with curiosity rather than judgement. Which means .not trying to resist whatever appears in your thoughts, emotions, or bodily sensations. Not ignoring them, or minimising them, or dismissing them. Just be willing to have them there while you go on noticing whatever is happening inside your mind, and inside you. Mindfulness often gets talked about as though it's a relaxation trick, but that's not quite right. Sometimes it's relaxing, but sometimes it can be frustrating or uncomfortable. That's because when you stop moving, whatever you've been avoiding or suppressing tends to show up!
What you're practising here is willingness, which is a skill of the mind, the emotions, and the body all at once:
Noticing what's here, without immediately grading it as good or bad
Allowing it to be here, even when you'd rather it weren't
Choosing what you do next - responding rather than reacting
It'll be difficult at first. You'll be distracted, and your mind will wander here, there, and every which way. That's to be expected. Mindfulness is a practice. So, it requires practice . kind of like learning any new skill, really. Most of us don't go from novice to expert in one try. If you’d like to give it a go, here's an invitation for this month.
Take Stock. Get somewhere comfortable. You can close your eyes, or soften your gaze at a spot on the floor. Ask yourself: what's here right now? Notice the thoughts passing through. Notice the mood underneath them. Notice your body - the tight bits, the tired bits, the bits you'd forgotten were there. Just allow whatever comes, like you're a neutral observer.
Narrow. Bring your attention to your breath. Not changing it, just following it. The air coming in, filling your chest, then going back out. When your mind wanders off (it will, repeatedly), notice where it went and bring it back. The act of returning to your breath is the practice. You are training your mind to come home.
Widen. Let your attention spread out from your breath to your whole body. Feel the weight of yourself in the chair. Feel your feet on the floor. Take in the sounds in the room. Then, when you're ready, open your eyes. That's it.
Think of it as doing a couch to 5k, for your mind. Start smaller than feels worthwhile. Even just a few minutes a day has been linked to lower stress, lower emotional reactivity, and improved focus.
Plus, taking time to be with yourself is a small act of defiance against the modern way of living. It's engaging in peaceful protest through saying NO to being productive for a few minutes. NO to racing from one thing to the next. NO to the pile of expectations you never actually agreed to. And, it's saying YES to something more precious - you, and your birthright as a conscious being to exercise free will.
